NEW YORK — Alan Rosen remembers the holiday meals that were more like board meetings than family gatherings.

"It was not fun to have the family get together and talk about what you do 70 hours a week anyway," said Rosen, who along with his brother Kevin runs Junior's, his family's famed restaurant and cheesecake business in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Rosen's father, Walter, and uncle, Marvin, had inherited Junior's from their own father and Walter Rosen was understandably passionate about the company. When he got together with his sons, he wanted to talk business, even if it was during a holiday dinner or other family occasion.

Relatives who own or run a business together are often tempted to continue work-related conversations, and sometimes arguments, at family gatherings, putting a damper on and sometimes ruining what everyone really hopes will be a happy event. So, many members of family-run businesses — including the Rosens — say they've learned to set limits.

Alan Rosen recalls telling his father, "when you're over to the house to visit the kids, you're visiting the kids," not holding a business meeting. He said it was hard at first for his father to agree, but "he's made a major transformation. He's become a better grandfather, father and a better business partner."

Talking too much about the business can also be a day-to-day problem in a family.

Murray Gordon, president of a family-owned long-term-care insurance business, found that work dominated the conversation in his home after his son Brian, who lived at home, joined the company. At dinner, they weren't just discussing what happened that day; Murray Gordon was also teaching his son about the business.

The result: "My wife would go crazy. She'd sit there and be bored after she prepared dinner," said Gordon, whose company, MAGA Ltd., is in Deerfield, Ill.

The problem wasn't limited to his own home. When his son-in-law also joined the firm, "my daughter would get upset. She didn't need that conversation either when everyone got together."

So, Gordon said, "it got to the point where we shut it off completely and no business is ever discussed. It does work out better that way."

Of course, there is good reason to talk about the business — enthusiastic owners are always thinking about ways to do things different and better, and coming up with ideas for building the company. But the smart ones realize that just as they need to take a few days away from the office now and then, they also need to take a break from business-focused conversations.

"It's so hard to escape talking about work, but you have to set some guidelines," said Renee Miller, whose husband began working with her more than a year ago in her Los Angeles-based advertising and public relations firm, The Miller Group.

Miller said business is the main topic of conversation at home as well as the office — so much so, that her husband will sometimes ask, "Can we just spend the next 60 minutes NOT discussing The Miller Group?"

Her antidote is to visit family — and to remember the other important things in life — during the holidays.

"Our nephew's our best distraction," Miller said. "You're focused on a little 4-year-old and it's his time and celebration."

Psychologists and other people who advise small companies also say owners should put talk about the business on hold when their families are together — especially as relatives gather for the holidays.

"Today's the day for family and to enjoy ourselves in our world," said Tom Davidow, a Brookline, Mass.-based psychologist whose clients include family-run businesses.

A more serious problem is when there is acrimony among relatives who are also business partners. Holiday get-togethers can be downright unpleasant. Davidow's advice for owners is to put the dispute aside for the day.

"It's not fair to their wives, it's not fair to their kids to have to bear the burdens of their disagreements," he said.

Many times, "when they're arguing about the business, they're not really arguing about the business — the business is the stage where they're acting out family dynamics and issues," Davidow said.

The solution is, again, set it aside. Or, "don't plan on spending the whole day together," he said.