Don't let loved ones steer your career
By Andrea Kay
Some friends and relatives like to think they know what's best for your career and will hand out advice freely. "You should be in sales — you're so outgoing!" Or, "You should get into computers — that's where everything is headed."
Well-meaning? Probably. Smart to heed? Probably not.
Even well-meaning friends and relatives usually don't have a clue about what they're talking about when it comes to your career. Case in point: Just because you're outgoing hardly means you'd like a career in sales.
Their way of thinking just may not be for your own good. Take the woman who asked me to help her husband "see the light" of getting a new career as a lawyer. After his three unhappy experiences in finance, she thinks he should be a lawyer because he would "have stability where he can make good money and always have a job."
The problem is he doesn't have the slightest interest in becoming a lawyer, and the thought of going back to school makes him sick. As horrible as this route looks to him, he is tempted to follow it because he wants to please his wife and is hoping once and for all to be a (one would hope, happy) breadwinner.
This is a disaster waiting to happen. Can you imagine at the age of 40 sitting in a classroom for who knows how many years, studying relentlessly for something you don't care about? Then looking for a job in a field you don't even like? Then, finding out that becoming a lawyer doesn't guarantee a thing — good money or security? None of that will help his home life.
Then there is a young woman torn between advancing her career and taking care of her family — because of her mother. She says her mother never congratulated her when she received a promotion in her work as an executive. She only reminded her that her biological clock was ticking. When she did have a child and gave up her well-paying position, her mother chided her, saying she needed to take care of herself financially. Now she regrets giving up her career, wondering, "What should I do?"
Such well-meaning people can have a detrimental effect on your career and life. Of course, you need to look at your circumstances and consider how your choices may affect people in your life. And in some cases, others' input is necessary. But they don't have to live in your shoes.
If contemplating a big career decision, you'll make the best choice for everyone if you conduct your own research and comparison-shop between what you learn and whether it fits you and the circumstances of your life.
Before you head down a particular path, ask as many people who would know:
Then compare what you learn with what you know about yourself. Can you see yourself making those sacrifices? Are you willing to change your life to make it happen? Will you be motivated to stick with it? Does what you learned appeal to you?
When it comes to weighing the advice of relatives and friends, first consider whether it's appropriate for them to have any say about your choices. Ask yourself whether you're going to give up what you want because of what they think or what you're afraid they'll think.
And if you're counting on them to tell you what to do, ask yourself: How would they know?
