I know why you're here today.

You're here because you're facing tomorrow's turkey madness and you can't remember a thing about how to put a turkey dinner together. Here's help:

Roasting technique (conventional method): Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Wash and dry turkey. Remove neck, liver, giblets. Rub with oil or butter. Truss (tie up) or skewer legs and wings close to body. Place, breast side down, on rack in roasting pan (if using a V-rack, line with oiled foil). Roast 45 minutes, basting frequently with oil or butter, then turn heat down to 325 degrees. Turn turkey breast side up. Cover with loose tent of foil. Roast to 165 degrees in thickest part of breast, 170 degrees in thigh. (Juices run clear, thigh waggles easily.) Allow to rest 30 minutes under tent of foil. Carve and serve.

Turning the bird: Get someone to help by holding the rack steady. Wear silicon mitts, if you've got them; otherwise, wear oven mitts and grab a wad of paper towels and turn the bird by grasping it firmly on either side.

Average roasting times: 10-18 pounds, 3-3 1/2 hours; 18-22 pounds, 3-5 hours; 22 pounds up, 4-4 1/2 hours.

Stuffing: If you do stuff the turkey, stuff it loosely and add an hour to the cooking times above. The reason to bake dressing separately is that the cooking time, and possibly the risk of food-borne illness, is reduced with an unstuffed turkey. The reason people give for stuffing a turkey — that the dressing absorbs all those juices — is one reason I don't: I want those juices to stay either in the bird, if possible, or in the pan, for making gravy.

Making gravy: Drain juices from roasting pan, scraping up browned bits. Place in fat separator or chill and allow fat to solidify; remove most of the fat. Bring juices to a boil in a large, flat-bottomed frying pan; whisk in just a little flour (no more than a tablespoon, probably less) and cook at least one minute, boiling and whisking the whole time. Slowly whisk in a cup or two of hot milk or rich hot chicken or turkey stock and bring to a boil again. Season with salt and pepper.

Keeping turkey hot: Remove the fully baked turkey from the oven and place on a large platter or rimmed baking sheet, cover with heavy-duty foil, then place in center of a couple of beach towels or a blanket and wrap. Turkey will hold heat for a couple of hours.

Turkey help: