The new buzzwords in Washington are "Katrina investigation." What the would-be Katrina-gaters want to do is this: Set up an official-looking process that will enable them to dig up dirt on their enemies and rivals.

Sounds like a great idea, because there's plenty of legitimate mud to be slung. But let's make sure it's equal-opportunity. Let's make sure everyone, absolutely everyone, who deserves a good tarring gets one — and maybe some feathers, too.

First, let's start with the federal government. President Bush should remember Harry Truman's motto, "The buck stops here," as he evaluates the performance of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff and his underling, Federal Emergency Management Agency chief Michael Brown. Before taking their current posts, Chertoff was a judge, and Brown ran horse shows — a job from which he was fired. Does Bush really want to tell us these are the best people we have for disaster prevention and relief?

Even the pro-Bush Wall Street Journal editorial page noted "the obvious initial failures of the Department of Homeland Security in its first big post-9/11 test." Which should remind us also that more such catastrophes — nature-made as well as man-made — are coming.

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has helpfully — helpfully for her own presidential ambitions — suggested a 9/11 commission-like inquiry. No doubt she looks forward to headlines embarrassing the Republican administration for years to come. But she's not blameless. She's a federal official, too.

And what exactly does Congress do, anyway, except kvetch for attention? One thing it does is vote for pork programs that have no connection to urgent priorities. In July, Congress passed a $286 billion highway bill, including 6,300 "earmarked" projects. On that list of earmarks is the $223 million "bridge to nowhere" in Alaska — and not a dime for Louisiana levees. Yet, Clinton voted for it.

Voting for it, too, were Louisiana's two senators and seven representatives. One of those Pelican State lawmakers is Sen. Mary Landrieu, who knows that the best defense is a good offense. She said she would "punch" the president or anyone else who questioned the quality of the state and local response.

But those willing to risk a senatorial left hook should ask: What in the blue blazes is wrong with Big Easy officialdom? We've seen the pictures of those New Orleans school buses, which could have been used to evacuate residents, sitting forlornly flooded in a parking lot, like sunken battleships at Pearl Harbor after the Japanese sneak attack — yet Katrina was no surprise. Let's inquire into that.

Wait, it gets worse. In New York City on 9/11, 403 firefighters and police officers were killed trying to rescue people from the World Trade Center. In New Orleans, one-third of the cops appear to have deserted. That's something to investigate.

And let's not forget Mayor Ray Nagin, the anti-Rudy Giuliani. Whereas Giuliani was stoic and resolute four years ago, the panicky Nagin was part of the problem. Even as bodies floated through the streets, he sent cops off on an R-and-R junket to Las Vegas. When asked about that boondoggle, he brayed, "Las Vegas is a party town. New Orleans is a party town. Get over it."

Nagin epitomizes the worst of urban politicians. Showing a combination of incompetence, defiance and arrogance, he makes the problem worse. Having worsened things, he puts the pathetic results on display, seeking to guilt-trip the rest of the country into sending aid.

Speaking of pathetic, let's look at the lumpen proletariat of New Orleans, the looters, shooters, rapists and child-throat-cutters. If they have problems, and they obviously do, let's help. But let's not just think further funding of the status quo is the same as helping. If the system is dysfunctional, bigger budgets only make for bigger dysfunction.

So, yes, let's investigate. Done right, such an investigation will make almost all of our "leaders" look bad.

James P. Pinkerton is a Newsday columnist.