Q. A manager in our office seems to have excessive chaos, turmoil and emotional upset in her life. She insists on bringing her personal difficulties to work and sharing them. Even though we are not friends, she will come into my office, close the door and launch into her problem of the day. This interrupts my work and makes me uncomfortable. Everyone complains about this woman, but no one knows how to stop her in a professional and congenial manner. The boss is no help because he feels sorry for her. — D.F.

A. Some pitiful people constantly seem to be searching for informal therapists. But that doesn't mean you have to become one. You are probably a kind, polite person who has gotten trapped by an emotional energy leech. And you can't make her go away without feeling rude.

Resolving this issue requires direct communication, but you don't have to be mean. Simply advise this intrusive colleague that you need more time for work. For example: "Mary, I recently realized that I'm falling behind on projects because I spend too much time chatting. So from now on, even though I might like to talk, I'm going to have to cut short our personal conversations. Maybe we can go to lunch occasionally and catch up."

One single remark will not eliminate this behavior, however. So when your co-worker arrives for her daily therapy session, you must remind her.

If you stick to your guns, eventually she'll decide that you're no fun at all and go looking for a more rewarding victim.