Q. I want to know when it is appropriate to wear jeans to work. My husband, who is a lawyer with a large company, insists that jeans are OK because of the casual attire policy. After some recent management changes, he has become increasingly unhappy and complains about not getting respect. I maintain that, even though it may not be fair, people are judging him on his clothes and not just his work. He disagrees and goes off to the office every day in jeans and a dress shirt. He says "everybody" wears jeans, but I have a hard time believing that he'll ever be respected dressing the way he does. — Worried Wife

A. Whether jeans are appropriate depends on both official policy and accepted practice. Attorneys typically dress rather conservatively, but your husband's company might be an exception. For a definitive answer, just drop by his office and see for yourself what others are wearing.

Another possibility is that your husband feels somewhat rebellious toward the new management and is using his apparel to convey that message. If that's the case, he needs to either resolve his differences or prepare for a job search.

One thing is certain, however. If you continually nag your hubby about his choice of clothing, he's going to resent you. After all, you're his wife, not his mother. Ongoing criticism does not lead to marital bliss.

Instead of monitoring his attire, try to help your husband examine his feelings about this job. You can't control what he wears, but you can be a supportive spouse and encourage him to consider his career options.

Q. One woman in our office is a very high producer who runs circles around the rest of us. Our new supervisor constantly praises her as the ideal employee. She is a nose-to-the-grindstone type of person who quickly gets all her work done, then sits and waits for more. My pace is not quite as fast, but I am always finished before the end of the day. The supervisor has started asking if I need help from this co-worker, which I find very offensive. — No Slouch Myself

A: If you put your own nose to the grindstone, could you be as productive as your speedy colleague? If so, then you're making the choice to work at a more relaxed pace. Nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn't complain if she chooses to go faster.

On the other hand, if you are working up to the best of your abilities, then you simply have the misfortune to be paired with a superstar.

Nor should you blame your boss for trying to increase productivity by asking someone who is finished to help someone who is not. After all, a supervisor's primary job is to get work done as correctly and quickly as possible.

Marie G. McIntyre is a workplace coach and the author of "Secrets to Winning at Office Politics." Send in questions and get free coaching tips at www.yourofficecoach.com.