At 35, trying to turn your life around is no easy feat.

But one mother of four is determined to do it, vowing to provide more for her children, her autistic nephew and her blind mother. "Who suffers in the end but the children?" the mother asked. "I get so heartbroken when I see my children looking at other kids and their toys."

The mom, who asked not to be identified, said she feels guilty for letting herself wander aimlessly for so long. She said she's jumped from job to job and has struggled through years of unemployment. All the while, her parents were there, helping to raise her children.

Now, the woman is trying to straighten up her life and get a steady job. She's volunteering at a nonprofit to get work experience and has signed up to get welfare benefits for her family. The money doesn't go far, but she's grateful to finally be doing her part to help out.

"It took me so long to wake up," she said. "I want to do this for my kids already."

The woman said her brother committed suicide a few years ago, leaving behind a son. Soon afterward, her mother lost her sight to diabetes. The back-to-back tragedies got the woman to thinking about her own life. And earlier this year, she resolved to get a good job.

"This has just got to be a new year for me and my kids," she said.

"I want to be just like my mom."

The woman said life is hard for the Kahalu'u family, and she still relies on her parents for a hand. Her mother and father help provide groceries and pay for clothes for the kids.

Despite their struggles, the children — 12, 11, 6 and 5 — are doing well in school. Her 11-year-old autistic nephew is also making strides.

For Christmas, the mother is asking for bunk beds and backpacks for her children. She also said the kids would love a gift certificate to Wal-Mart or Kmart to buy clothes for themselves.

The new items would go a long way in helping the kids' self-esteem, she said.

The mom said she would also love to have something under the Christmas tree for her children. Her kids have been asking for bikes, and the youngest would like a bike with training wheels. The autistic boy adores anything related to the movie "Toy Story."

The 35-year-old mother also said she wants to surprise her parents with a small present, perhaps some groceries or a gift card. The family has needed a new refrigerator, too.

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