Dillon Powers, an Iolani junior, remembers the time the laughter lead-in to the Gorillaz' "Feel Good Inc." started cackling right smack in the middle of a physics test.

Then there's the time a bus driver tore through his rig, looking for what he thought was an abandoned cat, but in reality was a woman's "meow" cell phone ring tone.

And did you hear the one about the mother whose adolescent son changed her ring tone? He was driven to protest her "inadequate responses to his complaints about the unfairness of his life — the result, he believed, of her rules," explained Jim Wright, the mother's attorney. Unfortunately for mom, this didn't become apparent until the sounds of the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" started blasting away during a meeting.

Ah, ring tones, those personalized options that let you program a signature sound to alert you to an incoming call. What progress! What a personal statement!

What a pain in the ear.

While some say any tone that isn't yours is annoying, the stuff is ringing up sales of $3.5 billion worldwide. And IDC, a Massachusetts-based market intelligence firm, estimates that by the end of 2006, more than 450 million ring tones will have been sold in the United States alone, to the tune of $850 million, said research manager Lewis Ward.

With ring tones selling for about $2 a pop, that's a whole lotta love ... unless you're Julia Clark of Hawai'i Kai.

The Academy of the Pacific freshman can't stand those ring tones that sound like animals.

Neither can Krista Speroni, a sophomore at Iolani, who "really hates the City Bird ring tone," she says, cringing.

There are other, er, pet peeves, too.

"I can't stand the tinny bastardization of classical music," Dillon Powers said.

Note that those are teenagers talking, many of whom can name off ring tones they enjoy.

What about the more refined among us? Let's ask Carol Page, founder of www.CellManners.com, a Web site devoted to promoting the civility between cell phone users and the people around them, a site that gets about 10,000 hits a month.

"If I hear 'Ride of the Valkyries' one more time, I'm gonna punch somebody," said the woman who's been called the "Miss Manners of the cell phone" set.

Page, who grew up in the '50s, considered herself a very well-mannered person.

Then she purchased her first cellular in 1998.

"I was somewhat enamored with it," Page recalled from her Massachusetts home.

Not long after, she committed the mortal sin of cell phone usage: She flipped it open at the movie theater. She was only checking messages, but ...

"They'd have loved to drag me out and hang me on Boston Common," Page said.

So, we asked her, can't we all just get along, even when your ring tone out-blares my ring tone?

"Something I'd like to see cell phone users do, which would dramatically decrease problems: Put it on vibrate all the time," she said, adding, "I know it's not going to happen."

Both Iolani students thought for a moment when they heard the suggestion.

"That might work," said Krista, "if you'd only keep it with you."

Dillon wasn't so sure: "Vibrate can be just as bad: Set on a desk, the vibrate mode can make even more noise."

While Page admits she's heard some lovely ring tones, "the problem with musical tones — Bach or any other classical composer — ... (is they don't sound right) in some little dinky tone. It's just disrespectful."

And not just classical music, either.

A ringtone version of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love"? "Come on, that's not what Jimmy Page had in mind," Page said.

Which brings us to the question that has officemates all over the world wondering: What is one to do in polite society when the ringing of Garbage's "Stupid Girl" is blasting away, without its proper owner in the vicinity? Grin and blare it?

Page says yes — privacy issues and all that — but then, she is not a teenager.

Krista Speroni will pick up a ringing cell phone and tell the caller, "No, they're not here and I don't like their ring tone!"

Ah, silent mode is sounding pretty good right about now.

What could really help a lot to narrow the chasm between the irritated and the irritating has nothing to do with ring tones. Page suggests: Perhaps if you'd just, um, lower your voice? (Take the guy she heard at Home Depot four aisles over, telling someone the results of his colonoscopy — please.)

"When you get on a cell phone, you can't hear yourself, consequently, you speak up," Page said.

Back to attorney Wright, whose clients have been on the receiving end of one too many instances of being less technologically savvy than their children.

He tells of one client's offspring who downloaded the South Korean national anthem and then password-protected it, so Mom could not change it back:

"I think most of us hear the Korean anthem exclusively during the Summer Olympic Games. She was hearing it several times a day," he said.

Do you have a ring tone story that takes the gold? Tell us about it. Send us your comments at islandlife@honoluluadvertiser.com. Please place "ringtone" in the subject line, and include a daytime phone number.