Long-standing readers of this column know that I believe no hoopla should or needs to be made concerning adoption. I am convinced that many of the standard recommendations dispensed by so-called "adoption experts" are silly, pointless and even counterproductive. These include repeatedly telling the child in question, before he's even able to talk, that he is adopted, referring to the adoption at every possible opportunity, singing "you're adopted" songs to the child when he's a baby, and the like. My recommendation is to treat adoption as a small deal, which all but insures that it will never become a big one.

According to one adoption professional who was once infuriated at my heresy, I am recommending an approach that could result in "trauma" to a child who discovers, on his own, that he was adopted. This is not just far-fetched, but also an example of the general tendency among mental health professionals to dumb down the definition of trauma to include any and all disruption of some baseline emotional state. Trauma is not mere upset; it is prolonged suffering. I propose that a child who becomes truly traumatized at the discovery that he was adopted was already emotionally fragile for other reasons.

I am not, by the way, advocating that adopted children not be informed. I simply believe they should not be told until it is either necessary or they are old enough to truly comprehend the implications, ask intelligent questions and participate in a rational discussion of what it means.

Formerly, people did not think adoption was a big deal. There were children who, for sundry reasons, had been or separated from their parents, and there were parents willing to take them in. No one thought that this increased a child's risk of later problems, and there is no evidence that it did. Today, however, adoption-babble includes words and phrases like "attachment disorder," "bonding issues," and "trauma" — all of which increase the likelihood that adoptive parents will tread on eggshells. Almost always, these eggshells eventually crack and beasts emerge.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions at www.rosemond.com.