Struggling at work? Could be the 'father factor'
By Andrea Kay
Whether present or not, your father is pivotal in shaping your professional relationships and future success.
The most common professional struggles — interpersonal conflict, power plays, gender issues and self-doubt — are directly connected to the influence your father has in your career development, says Stephen Poulter, author of "The Father Factor: How Your Father's Legacy Impacts Your Career" (Prometheus Books, $18).
Don't confuse this with your career choice. Your father probably influenced you even if you didn't follow in his footsteps, Poulter said.
The father factor can trigger your most significant weakness and strengths on the job, and determine your level of job satisfaction. It applies to women and men of all ages. And it's a timeless influence that must be properly understood, he says.
To understand the power of relationships in your career, you need to be aware of how you related to and bonded with your dad when growing up. This "attachment" is your foundation for relating to the world — including your co-workers, clients and bosses.
One place where this relationship shows up is in leaders of companies. Many of them came from homes where they had close relationships with strong fathers. But some had distant attachments with their dads and lack emotional warmth, which caused them "to adopt a cold, aggressive leadership style," feeling that showing emotion with subordinates would be unnatural, he says.
Some people who had insecure attachments to their fathers seek bosses who are father substitutes — "people who pay their subordinates a great deal of attention and exhibit a lot of empathy." And others had such a weak attachment to their father they lack the necessary self-esteem "to express themselves forcefully and creatively."
Do any of these descriptions sound familiar?
But you are not doomed to a disastrous career. Understanding the significant role your father and his fathering style had in forming your professional behavior and how you relate to others is the first step.
Also, consider the positive and negative power that your father's traits, habits, rules and behaviors have on you, Poulter says. Decide what you want to change, and identify what sets you off, so you can reduce self-destructive behavior.
If you feel angry or disappointed about your childhood, consider the idea of forgiveness. "Releasing your father allows you to no longer have one foot in the past and one in the present," Poulter says.
Whatever your experience, it is up to you to use your "father factor" insight to become the professional you want to be.
Reach Andrea Kay at andrea@andreakay.com.
