Do you ever get the feeling that kids — yours or those who belong to others — get everything they've ever wanted? That they haven't had much practice accepting no for an answer? That they have a general sense of entitlement that might not be healthy?

Well, an entire state seems to feel that way and has set out to do something about it.

Fred Storti, executive director of the Minnesota Elementary School Principals Association, explains that last winter he invited David Walsh, author of the recently published "No: Why Kids — of all Ages — Need To Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It," to speak at his association's convention of elementary school principals.

He said that Walsh, president of the National Institute on Media and the Family in Minneapolis, contends that kids today are living in a culture that promotes "more, fast, easy and fun," and the result is that kids are lacking important qualities — perseverance, patience, self-discipline, selfreliance — that are vital for success.

"I think today people are so fast-paced and busy, and in the majority of families, both parents work," Storti said. "Sometimes because life is so fast-paced, there's sometimes a guilty feeling parents have that they haven't spent enough time with their kids. Many times, to make things easier, we give our children things."

Walsh's message hit such a strong chord among the principals that they decided to conduct a statewide campaign, which they are calling, "Minnesota: Say Yes to No."

Storti said their goal is to spread Walsh's insights — and his "parenting tool kit" of how to say "no" appropriately — by making his book available at no or low cost and holding conversations with the parents, elementary through high school.

"I think it's the timing. I think we've finally reached the point that things are so out of balance, and we need to get them back in balance," Walsh said. "What we really need to do is to reclaim our ability to say no to our kids so that they can say it to themselves. It's the key to their happiness and success."

What makes his message resonate for parents and teachers, Walsh said, is that research has shown that self-discipline is actually a stronger predictor of school success than intelligence. "I think schools are really kind of at a crisis point," Walsh said. "They are held to be accountable for content under 'No Child Left Behind,' but they are spending more and more of their time dealing with student behavior."

Walsh said attention has to be paid to "the skills of self-management that kids bring into the classroom in the first place."

He believes that a "media-dominated culture" that is always sending the message that "whatever we have, we should have more of it" is partly to blame. That culture makes it hard for parents to say no to kids.

He's heard from teachers who say that as soon as kids encounter difficulties in class, they want to drop the class. "There is an epidemic of disrespect, impatience, a sense of entitlement and the gimmees," Walsh said.

Join our discussion about saying NO.