It started innocently enough. In fact, it started responsibly. The family was heading to a housewarming party and the designated driver duties were up for grabs. Truth be told, neither of us had big plans for the evening. I mean, it wasn't my bachelor party or anything. Besides, I like to remember my evenings, thank you very much. Still, when it comes to drinking and driving, it is always better to be safe than sorry, for ourselves and for others on the road.

In situations such as these, we generally follow the rule of friendship. This rule simply states that the designated-driver-beneficiary is he/she whom is friends with the host. In the event that the said host is in fact friends with both parties, then the first friend rule applies. This rule states that whomever was friends first with the said host is the designated-driver-beneficiary. I know this sounds complicated and perhaps like my wife and I are a pair of lushes. No, that is not it at all. This is simply an issue of responsibility.

Then my wife challenged the first-friend rule. You see, being from Hilo, it is rare that she enjoys first-friend status, unless of course we are in Hilo. I, on the other hand, enjoy first-friend status all the time. Now, after 18 years of marriage and perhaps requiring an adult beverage just to tolerate her husband, my wife is challenging the first-friend rule.

It is interesting that an innocent conversation about being a responsible adult evolved into a serious conversation about friends, how we make them and when they are considered family.

According to my wife, the first-friend rule should be considered null and void after the number of years of shared friendship exceeds the number of years of previous friendship by the actual first friend. An example may help: I have been friends with my buddy Claude for 29 years. My wife has known Claude for nearly 19 years. According to my wife, she has known him for more years (19) than I had known him before our becoming a couple (10 years). Being a first friend is thus ruled irrelevant in light of so many years as shared friends.

An interesting note: Claude and I met the same year Space Invaders launched the video arcade craze. My best friend and wife-to-be met the same year Eli Lilly Pharmaceuticals released Prozac.

Coincidence? I think not!

In the end, she won her null-and-void argument and we had no other option but Jan Ken Po. To be honest, I had no investment in being the designated-driver-beneficiary, but after losing my first-friend status, I was salty.

Thankfully, I won the childhood game and walked away with the moral victory.

Hello cold one, goodbye car keys.

Later that night at the party, I sat smugly on the La-Z-Boy while my wife chitchatted with the miscreants that were once MY friends.

I suppose she was right after all. You can designate a driver, but you cannot designate a friend.

Ultimately, if you are a friend of the family you become part of the family and there is no room for firsts or lasts. The only thing that matters is love and there is more than enough of that to go around.

I had the last laugh, though, as I made a silent toast: "Here's to you my friends, I love you all. And here is a special toast to you, my darling wife. Enjoy the club soda."

Michael C. DeMattos is a member of the faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. Born and raised on the Wai'anae Coast, he now lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs and two mice.