It's five months to the wedding. So where do you register? If it were up to Soo Kim, it would be Neiman Marcus. For her groom-to-be, Richard Stover, make it Local Motion or Sears.

"We have a little bit of difference of opinion," said Kim.

The uptown girl is a marketing consultant; her downtown fiance is a surf instructor who turned her on to the glory of the waves back in February of 2006 when she took a lesson in Waikiki.

After that, they sailed off into the sunset of love.

In Hawai'i and on the Mainland, some couples today are straying from a traditional wedding registry.

This Kaimuki couple believe that not only is marriage a partnership, but the bridal registry should be one, as well. She should be able to let friends know which high-thread-count sheets and Egyptian cotton towels are on her dream list; he should be able to get tools or board shorts.

"It should go both ways," said Kim. "It shouldn't be just about the bride. ... I told him we don't have to be registered at just one place."

Another trend on the Mainland: Instead of asking friends and family to help them set up house, they're asking for help with honeymoons, homebuilding and favorite charities.

And with the average honeymoon costing $4,778, according to the Real Wedding Survey 2007 by The Knot wedding network, it is no wonder couples are trying something new. The Knot's survey conducted in 2006 of more than 22,000 respondents also finds that the average wedding costs $27,882, excluding the honeymoon and the engagement ring.

Hawai'i seems to be still a money-giving place, said Tanna Dang of The Wedding Café, adding that the biggies remain the biggies: Macy's, other department stores, and upstart Pier 1 Imports.

In 2007, Macy's at Ala Moana registered more than 1,500 couples, noted Lavina Wong, Macy's director of special events.

While traditionalists recoil at the very idea of bridal registries, some experts believe this trend has staying power.

"You've got so many that are together, so they've already established their households or if they're not living together ... they've got everything," says Gail Vandygriff, a longtime Nashville, Tenn., wedding planner who has seen unusual registry items ranging from furniture to power tools, pieces of art to contributions to the couple's future home.

The Census Bureau reports that the median age in 2006 for first marriages has increased to 25.5 years old for women and 27.5 years old for men, up from 20.8 years and 23.2 years, respectively, in 1970.

Honeymoon registries have become much more commonplace. Guests contribute money, which is applied to the cost of the honeymoon.

Whether it's kosher for couples to essentially ask wedding guests for cash depends on who you ask.

Peggy Post, a director of the Burlington, Vt., Emily Post Institute, has given the practice a thumbs-up.

Not everyone agrees.

"It's not unlike getting a gift card instead — you're just putting a price tag on the gift," says Carol Holland, who gives etiquette classes through First Impressions Consulting in Franklin, Tenn. "While it certainly gives the bride and groom some discretion as to how they would spend their bridal loot, it does make guests feel awkward."

Mainland wedding planner Angela Proffitt has seen some couples politely decline gifts altogether. They do so by writing, "Your presence is our present" on their invitations. Others ask friends and family to make charitable donations in lieu of gifts, a trend that's spawned sites like www.JustGive.org and www.IDoFoundation.org.

Proffitt worked with one couple who was passionate about the Arthritis Foundation and encouraged guests to donate to the nonprofit instead of giving the customary gifts. And another couple asked guests to contribute to women's health charities because the bride was living with cancer.

Back in Hawai'i, the Kim-Stover wedding will include items that not only help them set up their dream house, which they recently purchased, but set it up with things they've picked out together.

"Babe, if you want Local Motion, we can do that," Kim coos to her beloved.

Now, that's love.

REGISTRY ETIQUETTE

Q. Is it acceptable to print wedding registries on the invitation or a separate card?

A. No. Ask family and friends to get the word out and put the details on your Web site. It's OK to discuss it if you're asked directly.

Q. How about printing registry info on the shower invitation?

A. Again, no. It's OK to include color preferences or sizes for themed showers. If the host wants, she can include a separate note with the invite detailing registry info.

Q. What are some do's and don'ts of choosing registry items?

A. Pick items that you'll use and that suit your lifestyle and personality. Make sure you like what you're picking by giving them the once-over at the store first. Keep your guests' monetary limits in mind and pick things that fall in a wide budget range.

Source: "Simple Stunning Wedding Etiquette" by Karen Bussen (Stewart, Tabori & Chang, January 2008)