Their previous deployments to Iraq were hard enough for married Army couple Sgt. 1st Class Kevin Pelayo and Spc. Cristine Fredericks.

Two months after Pelayo came home from nearly a year in the combat zone, his wife deployed to it — effectively doubling their separation time.

But a new round of expected deployments coming up for the Hawai'i-based soldiers has brought a new challenge: This time, they have an 8-month-old son, Kristopher.

The child will be in his grandmother's care this fall in New York while his parents expect to be in Iraq for a year.

"I got to the point that I don't even like to think about it because it's hard," said Fredericks, 24. "I'm not going to be there for my baby's 1-year birthday, and I'm going to miss that whole one year. But the thing is, it's better for us to be deployed at the same time than us to be away one at a time."

While much attention has been focused on post-traumatic stress disorder and the break-up of families due to repeat combat deployments, children of deployed service members have suffered their own plight, with both mom and dad suffering right alongside them.

The Army has recognized the separation issues, and is trying to address them with educational DVDs, counseling in and out of school, and even camps.

Many Hawai'i families will need it this fall and early next year. About 4,000 Stryker brigade soldiers are deployed to Iraq, and 7,000 more Schofield soldiers are expected to join them.

About 1,700 Hawai'i National Guard and Reserve soldiers will be leaving for Kuwait, battalions of 1,000 Kane'ohe Bay Marines have been on continual deployments to western Iraq, and the Army's 45th Sustainment brigade and its 2,000 soldiers may head to Afghanistan early in 2009.

Children miss their deployed parent, and the stress experienced by a spouse back home — along with the depression and anxiety that result from it — can be transferred to youngsters, experts say.

Dolly Purdie's son, now 6, was a model kindergartner.

"When I went to pick him up, teachers said, 'Oh, he's the best student. He's so helpful,' " she said.

But after the youngster's father, Staff Sgt. Kevin Purdie, left for 15 months in Iraq with the 3rd brigade out of Schofield Barracks, there were fights nearly every week at school.

"Me and my husband were both shocked how he did so well in kindergarten, and then, all of a sudden, in first grade, he was like a whole other person," Dolly Purdie said.

She attributes the change to her husband being away in Iraq — something the family will experience again this fall, when Kevin Purdie and the 3rd brigade of 3,500 soldiers deploy to Iraq for a year.

PROFESSIONAL HELP

In a Pentagon broadcast last week on the "Dot-Mil-Docs" program addressing the issue, Maj. Keith Lemmon, a physician in pediatrics at Madigan Army Medical Center in Washington state, said he experienced separation issues with his son during a six-month deployment to Afghanistan.

Lemmon said he and his wife "did all the things that are recommended," including recording books in his voice to be read to their kids, leaving a T-shirt of Dad's for a physical connection, and communicating regularly with the family.

"(But) within just a couple weeks of when I actually left, my normally well-behaved 4-year-old son started having acting out behavior and a little bit of regression — kind of moving backwards in his development," Lemmon said. "He was expressing that he wasn't comfortable with my absence."

Many children are exposed to absences from their parents, both physical and emotional, during deployments and even beforehand when military members are focusing on training, Lemmon said.

According to an Army-funded study published last summer in the Journal of the American Medical Association, among female civilian spouses, the rate of child mistreatment was more than three times greater during deployment, and the rate of child neglect was almost four times greater.

Not all families experience problems. Army Capt. Dave Eastburn, 32, who works in public affairs at Fort Shafter, said his 5-year-old daughter has done well even with the repeat deployments of her parents.

As is the case with so many Army families, though, the call of duty has definitely put a crimp in dual parenting for the Eastburns.

In April of 2005, when he was stationed in Colorado, Dave Eastburn deployed to Ramadi, Iraq, for four months, joining up with a unit that had been sent there previously.

Three weeks after he returned, his wife Amber, now also a captain at Fort Shafter, deployed to Balad, Iraq.

She returned in September of 2006, and by the first week of October, Dave Eastburn was back on a plane heading to Iraq to be with a field artillery unit in the Sadr City area of Baghdad.

A combat injury reunited him with his family 11 months later.

Dave Eastburn said his previous deployment was the most difficult because his daughter was old enough to realize her father wasn't around for long periods of time and asked questions.

Two weeks of mid-tour leave bring other questions.

"There's some confusion there," Eastburn said. "Does Dad live here, or is he just visiting? When I came home for good, that was one question: 'Are you just visiting? Or, are you home?' "

STRESS REACTIONS

According to the National Organization for Victim Assistance, stress reactions in children up to age 2 can include agitated behavior with crying and thumbsucking, and aggression including kicking, hitting, biting and throwing.

For children 3 to 5, stress symptoms include refusing to sleep alone, sleep disturbance, brief episodes of sadness and re-enactment of traumatic events in play.

In children 6 to 12, there can be concentration problems, behavioral changes, and physical ailments including headaches and stomach aches.

Adolescents 10 to 18 can demonstrate resentment, unrealistic expectations of self and others, reluctance to trust or open up to others, eating and sleeping disorders, lowered impulse control and drug abuse.

Recognizing the need to address child stress, the U.S. military has distributed Sesame Street, "Mr. Poe and Friends" and teen DVDs talking about deployment issues.

Bobbie Hanlon, a family readiness support assistant with the 8th Theater Support Command here, said parents are asked to go through a checklist of deployment questions with their children to sound out feelings.

"Family life consultants" who are licensed social workers, are available to talk to a caregiver, go to a school, or talk to a child, Hanlon said.

"Operation Purple" camps have been held across the nation for military kids to help deal with war stress.

Purdie, the military mom with three kids ages 6, 5 and 2, said the older two are starting to grasp the concept of deployment, and they are not looking forward to their dad going to Iraq again.

"Before, when they were younger, they were like, 'OK, Daddy's off at work,' but now, my 6-year-old and my 5-year-old, they don't want their dad to go to Iraq anymore," she said.

She thinks the Army is on the right track in its efforts to address deployment stress experienced by children. Her son received counseling, she said.

Pelayo, the soldier with the 8-month-old son, is volunteering to deploy with Schofield's 3rd brigade in the fall so his schedule stays in sync with that of his wife, who also is deploying. The 'Ewa Beach couple sees that as being preferable to deploying at alternate times and each taking a turn at parenting while the other is off at war.

Pelayo is with an international military affairs unit at Fort Shafter, while his wife is with the 8th Military Police brigade.

As someone who has gone through deployments and been away from his wife and daughter, meanwhile, Eastburn, the public affairs officer at Fort Shafter, said he now cherishes even the simplest moments with them.

"Driving my daughter to daycare before I go to work is something I look forward to every day," Eastburn said, "because I know what it's like to not be able to do that."