It's like that old "I'm exclusive; you're picky; she's a snob" list they used to run in pop psychology magazine articles in the 1980s.

If I'm doing it, I have good reason. If you're doing it, you're probably not supposed to, but I'll give you a pass because we're friends. If somebody I don't know does the exact same thing — that person must have foul motives, an empty intellect and nonexistent grace.

I'm checking directions.

You're e-mailing your friend.

She's driving like a maniac all over the road with that moronic texting. If you going drive, drive! If you going text, text! No try do two things at once! Pull over, lady!

Then comes the Honolulu City Council trying to regulate what people do in their own cars. Tsk tsk. They should be worried about the crazy drivers, not me. I can drive and text. I'm writing this on my way to work right now.

Kadoosh! Oops.

The Honolulu Police Department doesn't support the measure to ban texting while driving. The department doesn't oppose it, either. You'd think maybe the folks entrusted with law enforcement and traffic safety would have an opinion on something like keeping your eyes on the road and your fingers on the wheel. But no. They're all for public safety, but voting the dreaded "kanalua" (OHA's term for showing up but not taking a stand) on this one.

The point the HPD seems to be stuck on is enforceability; specifically, whether officers could tell just by looking if a driver is dialing a phone number or sending a text message.

True, kind of the same difference. If somebody rear-ends you, not like you're gonna care if she was texting her BFF or just punching in her work number.

Funny, though, the rest of us civilians can glance over at the next lane and tell whether somebody is texting or e-mailing while operating a motor vehicle. If their eyes are on their thumbs, that's pretty much the big tell.

And HPD does have a point: inattentive driving already is unlawful, and the term covers a multitude of "multitasking" stuff we shouldn't be doing when driving.

If there was a serious attempt to ban cell-phone use along with texting, the backlash would probably be worse than the ill-fated van cams or the much-hated gas cap. Take pictures of me sliding through a red light. Confuse me with complicated math that always seems to mean I'm paying more than I should for gas. But for God's sake, don't take away my cell phone. How am I supposed to drive without yakking to my friends about what's bugging me while I drive?!

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.