Finding the perfect partner is a nearimpossible task. In the end, it may come down to fit or match. Those looking for a fit want someone with whom they share interests — including recreational activities, political viewpoints and even personal histories.

My buddy likes to say we don't marry another person, we marry ourselves; meaning that in the end we want someone who is like us.

Think right hand, right glove.

Others want excitement and adventure in their lives. These folks are looking for the perfect match. Matched couples often use terms like; "He completes me." "Now I am whole." It is true; opposites attract and sometimes they even stay together! Think right hand, left hand.

In the end, it is less about fit or match and more about the needs of the couple. Some want the comfort that comes with a good fit, while others want the adventure that can only come from the creative tension of the perfect match.

They both work.

Some feel it comes down to shared values.

"Tell me what you love and I will tell you who you are," another friend likes to say.

Surely a stolen quote, it is hard to deny the apparent truth in the statement until you realize that values must be demonstrated and not simply spoken.

Research shows that most of us think more highly of ourselves than we deserve. In the end, it is about what you practice not what you preach.

I recently served as master of ceremonies for a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. I interviewed the two in preparation for the party and asked several pointed questions about the secret to a lasting love. Interestingly, they did not cite shared recreational interests; both have their own lives outside of the marriage.

Neither did they discuss their procreational interests; three children and a gaggle of grandkids was all the proof I needed.

No, they said that they knew their marriage would survive after they built their North Shore home.

Two years ago, I promised my wife that I would eliminate every white wall in the house. Now, after a nearly complete remodel and only the bathroom left, I am shocked we survived the ordeal.

If you really want to test compatibility, remodel your home.

On a superficial level, a remodel will test for interests such as color, style and design preferences. On a deeper level, it will tease out control issues, negotiation tactics and coping skills.

Most importantly, it will reveal how one deals with crises which is exactly what a remodel is — one crises after another. It is the ultimate test.

In fact, I am so confident in the illuminating nature of a remodel, I am starting my own compatibility test service.

I will provide couples with an empty space in which they will implement a specific design strategy. They will be responsible for every aspect of the build.

They will work in tandem and draw up a plan, select specific design elements and provide the labor.

The results will speak for themselves.

If they survive the ordeal, they were destined for one another. If they separate, I have saved them years of heartache and anguish.

I even have the first test site: my bathroom.

It is the perfect plan and in the end, we all win. They put their love to the test, my wife gets her new bathroom, and I save my marriage.

Michael C. DeMattos is a member of the faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. Born and raised on the Wai'anae Coast, he now lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs and two mice.