The pickup lines are the same. But they're delivered with a mommy twist.

"Do you come here (the playground) often?" "Do you want to come to my place, or shall we go to yours?"

Mothers of young children, who a few years ago may have been looking for Mr. Right in a bar, now are seeking Mrs. Right and her kids in between the swings and the slides at the local playground. They also are going online to find moms who match their personality and interests, much like singles use an online dating service.

"You scope 'em out," says Magalie Belanger, 31, about prospective mommy-friends in Helena, Mont. "You see how they deal with their children, and with yours."

It's like dating, but the dates are with other moms and their children. While the kids play, hopefully without tantrums or biting, the moms are free to talk about the things they have in common, from the lofty subjects of religion and politics to the more practical topics of teething and diaper rash.

"Women, they want someone else who is going through the same thing," says Drury Sherrod, a Los Angeles social psychologist who studies friendship.

Often, that can mean seeking out other women in the same trimester of pregnancy or whose children are similar in age, he says.

Kate Harmon, 41, of Concord, Mass., said she she fell into the perfect support group while her husband was a graduate student in Boston, with four friends who gave birth within the same month. "None of us knew what the heck we were doing," Harmon says. "The first year was fabulous. You had this tiny, little apartment ... you could just squoosh in and hang out."

Such groups, primarily for stay-at-home moms or those who work part time, help both new and seasoned moms on many levels. Sure, it's great to let off steam and talk about the day's toddler trials. But there's a practical benefit, too.

"Always, there's somebody at that next milestone ahead of you," Harmon says. "You could say, 'What's going to happen next?' "

"You either felt like you were an expert — and you only went through it a week or two earlier — or you thought, 'Wow, they know a lot. This is great,' " she says.

Moms tend to hook up in one of two ways: They can go it alone, and find like-minded moms at the playground, in their neighborhood, or through their children's schools and sports. Or they can network through national groups like the Moms Club, Mothers & More, newcomers clubs and www.Matchingmoms.org. (On the Web, the site www.newcomersclub.com/MomsClub includes links to several Hawai'i groups.)

Belanger met her tight-knit group of mom friends through the Moms Club of Helena.

"I knew if I didn't have a club, I'd be stuck stalking people at the playground," she says.

She and her three friends are so close now, after a year and a half of playdates and girls' nights out, that they take overnighters together with their kids. Last summer, they went huckleberry picking in Glacier National Park.

Another Helena mom, Anna Doran, moved to town about four months ago and already has a close group of gal pals, thanks entirely to her 4-year-old son's YMCA soccer league and her older, tree-lined neighborhood, which has lots of young kids.

"Truly, I use my children to make friends," says Doran, a 31-year-old mother of two. "We have so much in common and there's so much to talk about."

Every day, Doran sees at least one of her friends, generally with kids in tow. Several of them work out together three times a week at a nearby gym, where the daycare is free. And at night, the women occasionally head over to the downtown wine bar after the kids are tucked into bed.

Moms should revel — guilt-free — in their tailor-made support groups, because a few hours a day or week spent with female friends is good for your health, says Sherrod, the psychologist.

"The emotional support of friendship insulates people from stress," he says. "Friendship supplies the social and emotional support that has been proven to enhance health."