Posted on: Monday, March 10, 2008
Be role model for your children — and stick with it
By Doreen Nagle
Gannett News Service
When you become a parent you add "role model" to your ever-growing list of buzzwords that often pop up in your discourse with parenting friends.
Fingers crossed, it means act like you want your children to behave, and they will follow suit.
Role modeling generally works — if you give it the respect it's due by not giving up. Just as with any aspect of teaching your children your values (which include behaviors that match your values), you may have to repeat your role modeling. Your children (indeed, many adults) likely require being told or shown something more than once before catching on. Some tips:
Don't push. Remember, your child is probably doing the best he or she can. Show your child that it pays to do your best by being conscientious about your job, your house chores, your commitment to being a parent.
Watch what you say in front of your children, for your words will come back to haunt you. Many years ago, we told our son (a perfectionist in some areas) that if he got less than a perfect score on a test it was OK because no one is perfect, and especially not all the time. Bet you've guessed what I'm going to say next: He took that to mean that he doesn't have to put effort into getting the best grade he can by throwing back at us, "But no one's perfect!" We neglected to underscore that you still need to try your best. Choose your words wisely.
Gain your children's attention by spending time in their world. You can only effectively role model for someone when they want to be like you; if they feel you understand them, they will more likely want to be like you and mimic your behavior. One easy way to accomplish this is to bond over what's important to your child by reading his favorite stories together, talking about favorite characters or people in his life, creating art together and playing at his level. Use these times as terrific opportunities to role model behaviors and values on terms your child can understand.
Love your child right at this moment. Keep the behavior separate from the child. Your child will be able to absorb what you role model when he or she feels your love, support and acceptance.
Don't threaten or lie in order to get your child to do what you want. Children have an innate ability to know when they are being lied to but don't have the means to confront it effectively. Therefore, they grow up feeling a loss of trust in the very people they should trust.
