If your high schooler is a highly motivated self-starter with big ambitions and a solid shot at a full ride at a prestigious college, then muy congrats.

Now move along to the next article, because this column isn't for you.

The following is for parents of kids who are likely to go to college but are fretting over financing and the "highly motivated" thing. Allow me to humbly share some advice based on our own experiences with The Girl, now a college junior who recovered nicely after a shaky freshman year.

First, make sure your kid wants to go to college. This is a tough one, because most high school seniors don't know what they want, and you may have to decide this one for them.

You're also probably not comfortable with the idea of letting them take a year off for fear they'll lose momentum and be lured away from higher education by an $8-an-hour job, which seems like an awesome amount of money when you're 18 and living with your parents.

It's a gut-wrencher, but maybe your child is simply not ready for such a big step. No shame. Let them take the intermediate step of attending a local community college or put them to work full time so they can glimpse their future with a dead-end job. They'll be begging to go to college.

Second, keep reminding yourself: "My kids are not me." You may have dug the frat-boy life and big-time football games at your mega-university, but your offspring may prefer spending quiet time at the campus Internet cafe or art studio. Pick a school that's best for them and don't be disappointed if they choose not to relive your college days.

Third, unless we're talking about a top-tier school, I don't believe there's much difference in the quality of education available at most colleges. So after the money thing, choosing a college is about atmosphere and location, location, location. Urban or suburban? Big enrollment or small? Warm weather or cold? Rubber slippers or Doc Martens? Find a place where your child can feel comfortable and settle in for the long term.

Fourth, if you believe Hawai'i kids should experience a Mainland school but have financial and "highly motivated" issues, give community college a serious look. Tuition is way cheaper and student housing is available in many cases.

At California community colleges, for instance, out-of-state tuition generally runs $140 to $170 per unit, or $1,680 to $2,040 per term. At those prices, if they're going to have an academic meltdown, you may suffer only an ulcer instead of a full-blown brain hemorrhage.

Another strategy for kids attending state colleges is to establish residency. It will mean prying their Hawai'i driver's license from their tight little fists and forcing them to stay and work over the summer to develop a paper trail of tax returns and rent receipts, but the payoff is huge.

Fifth, make them get a part-time job or volunteer — anything to burn up their time and energy in a productive manner, even if it's just a couple hours a week, preferably during happy hour.

Got some tips of your own for rookie parents of college students or college-bound high schoolers? Send 'em to the e-mail address below and we'll share them at a future date.

Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@honoluluadvertiser.com.