I'm back at work recovering from a weeklong stay-at-home vacation, most of which was spent as a short-order cook for the 6-foot-tall, 170-pound eating machine that inhabits our 15-year-old son's cave-slash-bedroom. I might as well have passed the time working at Zippy's. At least I'd have gotten tips.

The metabolism of a teenage boy is really quite an awesome thing. It's no wonder the Department of Education has to keep raising lunch prices.

A sample home menu on a nonschool day starts with a stack of waffles or a loco moco breakfast, two eggs with extra gravy; a fresh fruit and yogurt smoothie; nachos; a veggie platter with ranch dressing; a grilled tuna sandwich (and a half) with chips; cheese, crackers and apple slices; a couple of ice cream sandwiches; saimin; a dinner of grilled chicken, rice and salad; and, after I've reminded him he already ate dinner, a nightcap consisting of a PB&J sandwich and a tall glass of skim milk.

And that's just the stuff I see him consume. Sneak into his room when he's out of the house and you'll find an array of empty plates and glasses, juice cans, microwave food wrappers and the bones of small animals littered about the floor.

My other big achievement during spring break was visiting the taxman. The good news is that we are getting a very nice tax refund; the bad news is that it's pretty much all going for earmarks.

In normal times we use our annual tax refund for executive bonuses. My husband and I grant ourselves a certain percentage as a reward for working so hard the previous year. These bonuses are used for important discretionary spending to prop up the economy, and may include (but are not limited to) shiny baubles, the latest titanium golf club, a piece of furniture, a weekend getaway, a flat-screen TV, or a kayak, surfboard or some other purchase to support our leisure activities.

It's like Christmas in April.

Not in 2009. This year's tax refund will be going for new brakes, emergency fund replenishment and credit card debt. B-O-R-I-N-G but prudent in these uncertain times. Sadly, next year's refund check won't be anything like this year's, because we've been forced to adjust our withholding taxes to restore some of the cash flow lost to recent pay cuts.

And that teenage eating machine isn't going to feed himself, now, is he?

Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@honoluluadvertiser.com.