About the rumored candidates for the Notre Dame job . . .

The Cincinnati coach. The Stanford coach. The Northwestern coach.
The Oklahoma coach. The TCU coach. The former NFL Super Bowl coach. The one from the Baltimore Ravens, not the one from the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Wait. The Steelers’ guy, too.
So far, the talk shows and blogs have it narrowed down to a thousand or so. Any more late additions? How about the guy who crashed the White House dinner?
The speculation really came to life last week, while poor old Charlie Weis tried to beat Stanford. Everyone had their idea for a cure, and he must have felt like an H1N1 virus.
Surely, we must narrow the field. A written exam might help. Anyone who fails this Notre Dame introductory trivia test goes to the back of the line. To increase the chance for success, only two choices are listed for each question.
So the quiz has been softened a bit.
Just like the football schedule.
1. The biggest reason you want this job is . . .
a. Tradition, prestige and the challenge.
b. Florida and Alabama already have a coach.
2. If you are the choice, your first task should be . . .
a. Waking up the echoes.
b. Waking up the defense.
3. Here’s the most important thing not to say at your introductory press conference.
a. You’ve never seen the movie “Rudy.”
b. You’re going to outscheme all the other college coaches. Weis promised to do that, and it doomed him to charges of arrogance before he called his first play. They’re still chortling in Pete Carroll’s office.
4. On the wall of the library facing the stadium is a famous mural of Jesus holding up both hands. Popular lore has him . . .
a. Signaling a touchdown.
b. Surrendering to Navy.
5. The trickiest job at Notre Dame next year will be . . .
a. The new defensive coordinator.
b. The accountant who has to figure out how to pay both you and the rest of Charlie Weis’ contract.
6. A good fan promotion next season would be free tickets for . . .
a. Whoever shows up in the best leprechaun outfit.
b. Whoever can name, within two years, the last time Notre Dame beat USC.
7. Every time Lou Holtz is on television, it is a reminder that . . .
a. Old coaches never die, they come back as analysts.
b. There really are men still alive who can remember Notre Dame contending for a national championship.
8. Among the past Irish coaching greats you will hope to join is Ara Parseghian. Looking at his bio, what comes to mind is . . .
a. How a Notre Dame legend first coached at Northwestern.
b. How Notre Dame would have trouble now beating Northwestern.
9. The scariest and most intimidating sight you will find the first day you walk into your office will be . . .
a. Knute Rockne’s ghost.
b. The quarterback depth chart behind Jimmy Clausen.
10. Notre Dame has fired three head football coaches in nine years. The message from that is . . .
a. The school is unwilling to compromise the high standards it has for a tradition-rich program.
b. Rent your house.
11. One of the most important reasons you must show progress in a hurry is to . . .
a. Reassure the many Notre Dame faithful around the world.
b. Reassure the many bean counters at NBC.
12. Notre Dame has scheduled a series of games in Yankee Stadium. This is great news because . . .
a. It brings back memories of the good old days, when Notre Dame finished higher in the ratings than Boise State.
b. Maybe we’ll get to see where Derek Jeter dresses.
13. Notre Dame’s last significant bowl victory was . . .
a. The titanic win last December over mighty Hawaii.
b. The Paleolithic Era.
14. The four horsemen of Notre Dame refer to . . .
a. A bunch of guys in leather helmets, who beat Army when beating Army was cool.
b. The polo team.
15. Notre Dame’s statement of purpose should be . . .
a. Shake down the thunder from the sky.
b. One of these days, maybe we’ll be as good as Connecticut.