Marriage isn't just the union of two. It's a family making space at the table. It's adding another person to the list of who to look out for, who to share a joke with and who to share a heartache with as this spinning marble hurls through space. If you don't find yourself in such a family, you're missing out.

I am one of four out-laws who have married a Bender. Every other winter break, the family gathers in Hawai'i. Two of my sisters-in-law come with their Mainland families to hang loose in the Islands. Three Benders went to Kalani, two Benders went to Kaiser, all Benders went to Niu Valley Intermediate and to Koko Head Elementary. Now my girls are on the same track.

This is not a visit year, so I'll miss the fun of gathering as a member of the out-laws, me and the three dudes who married Bender daughters (until now, the sisters-in-law had no idea that the guys and I formed the secret out-law society). However, there will be no shortage of fun with the two sisters who live in Hawai'i, my mother- and father-in-law, as we gather for the holidays, taking turns hosting parties.

One thing we can always count on is my sister-in-law Susan Bender, the original shopping ninja. With her husband Bob Hooper as her co-pilot, Susan, an attorney, is a natural thrift-shop sleuth. So when we need something like a replacement glass pitcher for our old Oster blender, she's calling us from the thrift store with potential purchases lined up.

There was a time when I could shop with the best of them. I no longer have the patience. But Susan persists until she has acquired and bargained for the ultimate designer handbag, leather jacket or bracelet studded with precious stones. She can talk down a salesman to a fraction of the asking price and leave them smiling as she's sashaying out the door. When I go into such places, I cannot bring myself to scan the racks. Bob and Susan's secret? Baby wipes in the car for a quick cleanup.

When it's time to open presents, the exciting part is opening the gifts from Susan and Bob. Most of the time it isn't what you had in mind and not what you expected, but for some odd reason, perfect. How do they do that, year after year?

I have a very good connection with my sister-in-law Susan. I am lucky to have someone who has taken such an interest in being the big sister to me and a loving auntie to my girls. My other in-laws and out-laws are no slouches when it comes to their love and generosity. But all would agree, I'm sure, that Susan and Bob are in a class unto themselves!