A "date" is butterflies in the stomach. Pants that flatter the rear view. Surprise endings.

Its very distant cousin, "date night," is an uninterrupted meal. The pants you wore to that wedding one time. A baby-sitter.

Yes, we married parents know we're supposed to go on date nights. And we're certainly all atwitter about other people's — especially when other people's day jobs involve leading our country. "Date Night," starring Tina Fey and Steve Carell as a married couple, isn't set to hit theaters until 2010, and already it's creating Internet buzz.

We clearly love date night. But are we in love with date night? It's complicated.

Siobhan Smith, a Lincroft, N.J., mom of three, recently left her job at Goldman Sachs to focus on raising her girls, ages 10 months to 5 years. She has found the extra time at home rewarding but isolating.

"To counter that, I have started having more dates with my husband," she says.

Making those dates happen, however, is a bit of a feat — even if Barack and Michelle Obama seem to make it happen pretty regularly.

"When I was working, I found it to be easier to sit at my desk and plan something," Smith says. "Now I have two toddlers begging for attention and a third screaming for a bottle while I am on hold with Ticketmaster. Planning has taken on a whole new dimension."

Does her husband ever take the reins?

"You have to be kidding," Smith says. "If I waited for my husband to make some huge romantic gesture, I'd probably still be single. He's a good man, but romance is the furthest thing from his mind."

(Besides, Smith adds, invoking those presidential dates: "I don't think either Michelle or Barack plan their evenings. It's their social coordinator, and I would kill to have my own.")

Valerie and Tommy Rey, teachers in suburban Maryland and parents of 2-year-old twins, take turns planning their bimonthly date nights. "Once a month I do it, and once a month he does," Valerie says. "This week is my turn. I choose the place, activity and get the sitter."

She's vigilant about making them happen, even if it just means hitting the gym together and grabbing a bite to eat afterward.

"We both really miss our relationship the way it was before kids," she says. "We love the kids, but we are working on redefining fun."

And that, say relationship experts, is the key to a successful marriage.

"We've all been there, where the last thing you want to do is put on makeup and go out," says Julia Stone, co-author of "Babyproofing Your Marriage," (HarperCollins, $24.95), "but you can keep it simple, and it can occur at home. You can have a tablecloth and a takeout meal, as long as there are no electronic gadgets on and no kids awake."

And as long as they occur semi-regularly.

"It's easy to put your marriage on hold for a while," Stone says. "You're both adults and you can live on the scraps for a while. We compare marriage to a houseplant; it will die of neglect if you don't take care of it. It doesn't need heavy maintenance, but it does need some watering."

Emma Sullivan, a Chicago lawyer, is a date-night pro. Her kids are 4, 2 and 4 weeks, and she has been out with her husband since her newborn arrived.

"When my mom was in town to help, we took advantage of the free sitter and had a post-third-child night out," Sullivan says. "We just went around the corner to a German restaurant and had a couple drinks, but it was really good to have some adult time."